The kind of strength that speaks

sent by  F R E D   V A N   R I P E R      |      April 27, 2025

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I wasn’t prepared for what happened in this interview.

I’m usually calm and collected when I host these conversations.

Curious, grounded, clear. But this one hit me harder than I expected.

Jason Tuttle came on to talk about his son, Zachary—who lived with a rare condition and passed away far too young—and what unfolded was a masterclass in emotional presence, fatherhood, and a kind of strength that doesn’t posture, but humbly endures.

At one point, Jason said something that stopped me cold:

“I thought I was supposed to be the strong one. But real strength looked like writing letters to my son.”

We talk a lot about emotional intelligence, communication tools, and leadership frameworks around here. But sometimes the most powerful lesson doesn’t come from a framework—it comes from a human moment that strips away everything except what matters most.

That’s what this episode gave me.

And today, I want to pass a piece of that on to you.

1 Skill: Expressive Communication During Grief

Most men never get taught how to communicate from their grief, only how to communicate around it.

Jason could’ve armored up. He could’ve recited facts about his son’s condition or stuck to polite, surface-level platitudes.

Instead, he read a letter aloud.

To Zachary.

The kind that rips your heart open in the best way—unfiltered, loving, raw.

That’s expressive communication.

And here’s why it matters:

Whether you’re grieving a person, a dream, or a version of your life that didn’t turn out how you thought it would, your emotions need somewhere to go.

If you don’t express them intentionally, they’ll find their way out reactively—through withdrawal, anger, irritability, or emotional shutdown.

Expressive communication is how you direct your pain toward meaning.

It’s not about being polished.

It’s about being real—so your people don’t just hear your words, they feel your presence.

1 Mindset Shift: Vulnerability Isn’t Weakness—It’s Leadership

There’s a myth baked into how many of us were raised:

“If I show emotion, I’ll lose credibility. I’ll look weak. I’ll scare the people I love.”

But here’s the truth I keep seeing again and again in my work with high-achieving men:

Vulnerability isn’t the opposite of strength—it’s a refinement of it.

When you allow others to see your humanness—your ache, your doubt, your love—you create permission.

Permission for your partner to say, “I don’t have to carry this alone.”

Permission for your kids to think, “I can feel big things and still be okay.”

Permission for you to be fully yourself—not just the version of you who holds it all together.

That’s not weakness.

That’s a leader who’s done performing.

1 Action Step: Write One Letter You’ll Never Send

This week, try this:

Set a 15-minute timer.

Pick someone who’s no longer here—or something you’ve lost that still lingers.

Write them a letter.

Tell them what you wish you could say.

What you miss.What you’re angry about.What you’re proud of.What you never want to forget.

And when you’re done, do nothing with it.

Don’t post it. Don’t share it (unless you want to).

Let the act of writing be the healing.

You might be surprised at what surfaces.

And if it feels hard? That’s okay.

Hard doesn’t mean wrong. It means you’re showing up to the parts of yourself that still matter.

Why This Matters

What Jason reminded me—and what I’m passing to you—is that legacy isn’t built by hiding our feelings. It’s built by honoring them.

So here’s what I want you to remember:

You don’t have to be stoic to be strong.You don’t have to be perfect to be present.You don’t have to carry it all in silence to be respected.

Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can say is:

“I miss you.”

Or,

“This hurts.”

Or even,

“I’m here, and I’m still figuring it out.”

That’s what your people need from you.

And that’s how we start leading differently.

Until next time—keep showing up with heart, not just hustle.

P.S. Want to listen to my full conversation with Jason? Follow the Dads Interrupted podcast on ​Apple​ or ​Spotify​ or anywhere else you listen to podcasts. I hope it helps you. Be well. Be kind. Do good.

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